A Pirate Crashed my Date

It’s halloween and I couldn’t convince anyone to go trick-or-treating with me. “It’s creepy when adults go from house to house, asking for candy” I was told. Whatever.

As I didn’t want to spend the spookiest night of the year alone at home, I decided to go out with a guy I had been texting with for a while.

I got dressed and turned up fashionably late to the place we had agreed on, but there was no one waiting for me. I checked my phone to find a message, which read: “sorry, I’m stuck in traffic. I’ll be there shortly. Don’t leave”. Fine, I’ll order a wine and wait.

40 minutes and multiple “don’t leave” messages later, I am sipping on my 4th wine, wondering whether drinking alone at a bar was really the better option.

Finally, a very attractive and chatty spaniard shows up. It was probably the alcohol, but I was immediately swept away and forgot about his extremely rude tardiness.

We chatted, laughed and flirted and I thought it was going great until his friends showed up. “You don’t mind that I invited some people? We’re gonna have dinner” Yes, that’s weird and I do mind, was what I thought. “No, not at all, I was going to meet my friend for a halloween drink anyway” is what I said.

ABORT! I jumped into a cab and went directly to the place where I was meeting my friend. She came directly from work to my rescue, and to my surprised she was dressed like a pirate, with a hat, and not the sexy kind.

After downing quite a few more drinks, I checked my phone and found the sweetest message… or was it just the alcohol messing with my head again? His friends had left and he actually wanted me to say. Would I meet up with him again? Uhm.. YES! In hindsight, it was definitely the alcohol speaking.

There was only one thing, I had my pirate friend with me. I took a good look at her. She was ridiculous in her costume and didn’t give two f*cks. I had to take her with me.

And so, pirate in tow, I proceeded to make my way back to my date. He was surprised at the third-wheel, but took it like a man. We continued our flirty, chatty conversation with the pirate occasionally chiming in. It was beautiful.

Later we went to an extremely Spanish bar, where I started to sober up a bit. This is when I realised how creepy this Spanish man in front of me really was. There was absolutely no chemistry.

So we smiled awkwardly at each other while my friend started to make-out with some stranger. I guess the pirate theme was really working for her.

We kissed. It was the most forced thing I have ever done. He made tiny little noises while he kissed me, which confused me even more. Was he choking? Should I start doing the Heinrich Manoeuvre? When he finally asked me to go home with him, I said no and he skilfully vanished.

I grabbed my pirate and together we walked home, laughing at the very strange evening we had just experienced.


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